Shorma Lijiyena

shorma_lijiye-copy.jpg

Love marriages are in the air nowadays. Kashmiri youth, especially those working outside, choose their better halves themselves. There’s no harm in taking this liberty, but I often wonder how it would be for a non kashmiri girl to adjust in a kashmiri household – the customs, the food, and most importantly the language.

The piece of conversation below, reflects this.

CHARACTERS :
Non kashmiri bride (nosh)- Shireen
Father in law (hihur)
Mother in law (hash)
Husband/Son -Muneem
Grandson – Adil

All characters are fictitious. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead is purely coincidental.

SCENE 1 – One fine morning, after Muneem leaves for work.
Shireen : Daddy ji, aap ne TV ka remote dekha kya ?
Daddy ji: Kyaah … Ho tum kya boltaa hai ?
Shireen: Jee, main remote ke bare main pooch rahi hoon
Daddy ji : kyaa .. hay kyaa ‘remote’ angreez baai hai kya ? angrezi karta hai mere saath !
Shireen : Nahi main to Urdu bol rahi hoon.
Daddy ji : Achha karo ab shupp (chup).. jaaw suin pakaao.. Muneem aayegaa naa shaamas thaketh.

As she heads towards the kitchen, he calls back and points towards the TV and says

Daddy ji: Achha zara yeh daalo ..
Shireen (confused) : kya ? kya daaloon ? kispe daaloon…
Daddy ji ( pointing towards the TV) : yeh naa.. yeh TV daalo.

The poor “naebrim nosh” trying hard to understand the alien Urdu spoken by her father-in-law switches on the TV.
Later in the evening, she comfortably settles herself to watch her favorite “Channel V trailers”. The mother-in-law nudges her husband..

Seeing the songs being played, he says, “ Ho, yeh kya sirf recordaa (records/songs) suntaa hai. Humko kuch samjh nahi aata hai. Zara lagaao “mouj kasheer” channel.

Then turns to his wife and says, “ wanyuhm naa aemes Muneemas maah kar ye “nebrim zanaan”!!!

Meanwhile Muneem comes home from work. Hearing the usual sasur- bahu “tu tu main main”, he resorts silently to his room.

SCENE 2: at the dinner table.. ( on Shireen’s wish, the family had their meals on the dining table, rather than sitting around the conventional “dastar khwaan”)

Daddy ji : Khodaya raham !! bheujjras manz che aseh khaalaan taybalan (table) paith..Raham khodaya raham !!

Shireen, serves mutton to herself and passes the bowl to Muneem, “aap bhi shorma lijiye naa”

Meanwhile the mother-in-law softly tells her husband “ weich khitkan che waataan paanas.. traawan chi naatihin panseh yothh..”

SCENE 3: Before shopping for Eid
Shireen: Muneem, chaliye naa Eid ke liye shopping karni hai..kuch kapdey lane hain
Daddy ji, over hearing their conversation, says “ kyaah. Kyaa karnaa hai ? ”
Shireen : jee, kapdey lane hai.
Daddy ji : kyaah?? kapdaa laana hai?? Ho tuney autreh hee laaya na palaw. Mein ne us din laaya tha naa kapdaa tere liye..usko kya kiyaa ? firaaq nahi banaya kya ?
Shireen: jee who silney ke liye diya hai boutique main.
Daddy ji: Oo kya bolta hai ? usko thi na kaem karke.. who kahan rakha ?
Shireen (confused) : kya karke tha uspe?
Daddy ji : Oo us mein tha naa, “aari kaem” karke.. tuney kyun diya seich baai ko . bahar baithtaa hai naa Gul beidaan (tailor), ussi ko detaa main.
Shireen: Nahi daddy ji , who actually..
Daddy ji (cutting her in between) : Kya actually actually ? badh chakh angreez karaan.. angreez daandh. Chalo ab jyada kathe mat karo .

SCENE 4 : Some years later, when the family is blessed with a grandson.
Mummy ji( to husband) : yeh kateis gow aie Adil jan..
Daddy ji : Oo yeh kahan gaya ye tera bachha ?
Shireen : Jee , woh lawn main khel raha hai..
Daddy ji: kyaa.. suh kyaa aastha hai lawn .. ??
Shireen : woh baag mein khel raha hai ..
Daddy ji : ooh achha .. yeh bolo naa .. gind raha hai baag main.. usko laawo andar .. teeir lagegii.. shuuh hojaye gaa usko

Shireen calls Adil in and puts a bowl of cornflakes, on the table before him.

Daddy ji: Oo ..yeh kya diya isko..
Shireen: Jee yeh toh cornflakes hain.
Daddy ji: woh kya hota hai? Oo laao seedhey seedhey Noonchaai .. usmein Sout daalein gey!!
Shireen: Jee yeh jyada nutritious hota hai..isko namkeen chaai nahi pasand..
Daddy ji : Oo kya kehtaa hai.. meinh maah heichnaaw.. mujhko umar hogayii hai..mujhko mat sikhaao …
Shireen: nahi mein to bas keh rahi thi…
Daddy ji : ho jahal mat karo ab..
Shireen: nahi woh ….
Daddy ji: ho karo shupp .. sirf angreez kartaa hai
Shireen : woh main …
Daddy ji : aa… pai chum .. shupp karo ab … Muneem .. hayya kuth gow ei Muneem.. waneumas naa maah kar ei punjaeb zanaan…

….and the story goes on…

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~ by candidmusing on January 3, 2008.

5 Responses to “Shorma Lijiyena”

  1. chi bilkul sahi lakhumut hai, yahi gachta hai

  2. This post is the outcome of an hour long chat that we ( Sharjeel, Junaid & Aqsa ) had on one cold December evening.

  3. warya asun aao ye paraan paraan…khuda karnai baja..behte khudayas hawaal 🙂 ooooooo mat karo jada kath..karo na shuppp!!!

  4. oh lord…you beat the hell out of me….i cudnt stop laughing !!

  5. Just because we had to frame the whole thing in characterization, some even more funny oneliners were done away with. Maybe we will club them up and publish a post.

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